It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
