Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
