dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
