i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
