I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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