After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
