Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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