i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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