don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
