Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
