This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Let's paint friendship bongs
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
