dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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