This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
