i was born a porn star she said
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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