There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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