Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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