Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
