Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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