Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
