she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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