Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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