I wanna passion pit in your ass
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
