Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She's the barista slut.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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