She's JV to your varsity
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
