FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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