I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Say something about gay babies.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
