If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
