Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
