sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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