I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
