not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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