he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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