I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
