Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
