I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
