you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize