I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize