Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize