It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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