I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
