Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
