Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
