On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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