did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
