I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
our cab driver is having phone sex.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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