how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
