stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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