Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
