The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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