cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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