Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
