He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
