She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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