They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Even my vagina gasped.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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