when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
