No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
