He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
