please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
