I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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