Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
