You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
