some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
