last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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