I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
