tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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