we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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