tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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