I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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