It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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