Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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