just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
