OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
