My Higher Power is John Stamos
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
