I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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