My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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