she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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