As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
