The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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