I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
